


Love, Chloè

by astrangetypeofchemistry



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Bee!Sabrina, F/F, Grieving, ML Lean On Me Zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 07:51:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12907473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangetypeofchemistry/pseuds/astrangetypeofchemistry
Summary: Sabrina wants to say that she cried her eyes out, wants to say that she screamed and sobbed and yelled at the loss of her best friend, wants to say the words she knows everyone expects her to.But she would be lying.





	Love, Chloè

**Author's Note:**

> This is my piece for the ML Lean On Me Zine, which is a disaster relief zine. If you can, please purchase it because it has some amazing artwork, fics, and cosplays. Not to mention the formatting is killer. You can find the relevant links on miraculeanonmezine.tumblr.com

 

* * *

_Dear Sabrina,_

* * *

Chloè Bourgeois dies on December 17th in the early morning hours. It’d been during an akuma attack; Queen B had slipped off a high roof and landed to her demise, revealing herself to be the mayor’s daughter. Sabrina wants to say that she cried her eyes out, wants to say that she screamed and sobbed and yelled at the loss of her best friend, wants to say the words she knows everyone expects her to.

But she would be lying.

She simply nodded when her father woke her up to tell her, asked him for space, and then got ready like it was just a normal day.

The balance of her world hadn’t even been touched.

* * *

  _I regret yelling at you earlier today. I really do. I promised I would apologize to everyone I’ve wronged, and yet you were the one person who didn’t get one. You’re the one who_ _deserves an apology the most._

* * *

Three weeks later, it finally affects her.

It’s not because she suddenly crumbles with grief. She doesn’t start sobbing hysterically at the lack of a shadow to follow.

An octagonal box with Chinese symbols appears in her room. In it is a hair comb Sabrina remembers Chloè wearing for months before she passed. A floating bee materialises and tells her she is to be the next bee hero.

Sabrina doesn’t protest. She doesn’t launch into rants about how Chloè was the best superhero Paris could’ve had. She doesn’t refuse on the insistence that she could never fill Chloè’s shoes.

She just nods, puts the hair comb in, and leaves the house like it’s a normal day.

* * *

_I wish I could say this to you to your face, but I’m such a coward. Instead I’m writing it on a letter I know I’m never going to give to you._

* * *

The thing is, she doesn’t understand why people look at her with pity. She’s not affected. Her life is _okay_ , _normal_. It’s the people around her that aren’t.

It should’ve been obvious to everyone that she and Chloè stopped being friends since Queen B’s debut. Her blue eyes had flashed when Sabrina continued insisting on doing her homework until she snapped. She’d been the one to end their friendship. She’d been the one to create a rift between them, and she’d been the one to tell Sabrina to never feel anything for her ever again.

Sabrina was only complying with that wish.

She wonders if their friendship was so toxic, people could perceive Chloè yelling at her to burn in the pits of hell as just a regular argument. She wonders how she feels about that.

* * *

_I should start off by saying that you deserve a best friend who would stayed up late with you, laughing over how terrible some teachers are and crying with you because life gets too stressful sometimes. You deserve the best friend who would be there, and give as much as they take._

* * *

Chat Noir bursts into tears at the sight of Sabrina in her new hero costume.

She’s not surprised. She knows they were close partners; Queen B and Chat Noir would constantly patrol together, using the time to randomly pop in to check in on victims. Rena Rouge and Ladybug were the same way.

But something about Chat Noir’s grief leaves her cold. That should be her. She should be the one who can’t wipe away her tears because more are always coming. She should be the one who can’t even breathe in her grief.

But here she stands, taking Chloè’s place without a single thought. She can’t bring herself to care. You were supposed to mourn your friends, and Chloè had made it obvious that wasn’t their relationship.

* * *

_There was nothing wrong with you. Never think there was. It was me; it was always me. I was scared, and I lashed out on you every time. I should’ve been a better friend._

* * *

Rose bursts into tears and hides her face in Juleka’s shoulder whenever she sees Sabrina. Kim goes out of his way to accompany her to every class. Adrien offers her sympathetic smiles and an offer to talk anytime. Marinette supplies her with baked goods.

Sabrina wonders if it’s worse for her to take advantage of them taking care of her, or telling them she doesn’t care about Chloè being dead. She’d always thought she’d revel in attention. Now that the spotlight is on her, she finds herself wanting to rip it away.

But she knows if she were to say that Chloè had destroyed their friendship long before her death, no one would handle it well. So she chokes it down, plays the grieving best friend.

She tries to convince herself that she was grieving the best friend who’d always supported her, who’d given her love and affection and this promise of a joined future.

Maybe if Chloè had been that kind of friend Sabrina would feel something, but you can’t miss what you never had.

* * *

_I am sorry. I am so so sorry. I just panicked. When I started to apologize, some part of me began to fear that I would end up confessing that I am in love with you._

* * *

“Remember that time Chloè tripped me just so you would laugh?” Marinette recalls one day. They’re sitting in the library, working on a project due the next day. A gleeful expression crosses her face as Sabrina turns to her.

“Sorry?”

“You don’t remember?” There’s laughter in Marinette’s voice. She launches into the story when Sabrina shakes her head. “It was after you told the teacher you wanted to be a police officer and he laughed in your face. You didn’t smile for a _week_. Chloè was so desperate, she tripped me just to get you to laugh. She looked so crushed when it didn’t work.”

She goes back to working, shaking her head slightly at whatever memory crosses her head. Sabrina continues staring for a moment, wondering if her perspective on Chloè is skewed.

But then Marinette asks a question and Sabrina banishes the thought, refusing to even consider it.

* * *

_Isn’t it crazy? I’m in love with you. I never thought I was worthy of feeling something so strongly for someone. Me? In love? It’s so out of bounds, it terrified me. And I took it out on you. That was stupid and asinine of me._

* * *

Ladybug takes pity on Chat Noir and changes the patrol routes so that he and Rena Rouge are together. During their first few patrols, Ladybug shoots quick looks at her before jumping, as if wanting to coddle her.

There hasn’t been another akuma yet, not since the incident. Maybe Hawk Moth has given up, now that a child has died. Maybe he’s realized what consequences his actions have.

Sabrina hopes, but not because she wants Chloè’s death to mean something.

* * *

_I don’t blame you if you hate me now, but I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll always think of you as the stars I find solace in at night; the sun that continues shining and providing warmth no matter how many times your curse at it; the rain that always comes to comfort you no matter how much you complain. And that’s why I’m going to give you space. I don’t want to bring you down anymore._

* * *

“She sure knew how to make someone laugh,” Alya remarks during lunch. They’re all sitting on the steps; it became a Wednesday tradition ever since Chloè’s death. “She’d say the most ridiculous things, sometimes. You could tell beneath her meanness, she was just afraid someone would turn her into a joke.”

Everyone laughs, sharing memories of the insults she’d hurled at them. They talk and giggle out the words that had been poison to them, rocks that had settled deep into their chests to draw out their insecurities.

“But didn’t you guys hate her?” she finds herself asking, freezing at the way they all stopped talking to stare at her. Glances are exchanged before Alix finally shrugs.

“Yeah. But she still saved us as Queen B. And at least she apologized afterward, you know?”

And then there are speculations about whether her remorse had come at the same time as Queen B’s appearance, and what that meant for all of them.

Sabrina stares at the ground, feeling tears build up. She’d never gotten an apology. She’d gotten a one-sided screaming match as Chloè all but stated that she hated her. She doesn’t notice as the tears falling towards the ground, doesn’t notice the way she becomes the center of a group hug.

All she can do is wonder if she really mattered that little to the girl she’d once idolized.

* * *

_You’ll always be my dearest friend. You’ll always be my first love. You’ll always mean everything to me. And you’ll always matter the most._

* * *

Mayor Bourgeois stops by her house.

He looks uncomfortable as he sits on their couch, his eyes appraising their tiny house with apprehension. A sigh of relief escapes him when he finally notices Sabrina.

“Chloè left this for you,” he blurts with no preamble, as if ignoring the motions of a proper greeting will get him out of the house faster. He hands over a white envelope that has Sabrina’s name written beautifully, practically running out of there once it’s in Sabrina’s hands.

She turns to her bedroom, wanting to read it without her parents’ watchful eyes.

* * *

_Your happiness matters more to me than anything else in the world. Put yourself first; that’s all I ask._

* * *

Hawk Moth finally sends another akuma six months after her best friend’s death. Sabrina steels herself, transforms, and finds herself first at the scene.

“This is for my best friend,” she decides, jumping to tear into the akuma.

* * *

  _Love,_

_Chloè_

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr at astrangetypeofchemistry, queerinette, or awrittentypeofchemistry. 
> 
> Also, the formatting of this fic in the zine is absolutely sick. I think I cried when i saw it, it was just that beautiful. If you get the zine, you should totally gush with me about it.


End file.
